In the beginning...

The most logical thing to do is start at the beginning. I will try to be short and sweet and not leave anything out!

After the initial shock of being pregnant, I was elated by the thought of having a bun in the oven. Having children was always in my future. Having been a camp counselor at the YMCA for years, a babysitter for many families, and also a preschool teacher's assistant, I knew that I was fully prepared to have a kid.

My pregnancy was the BEST 40 weeks and 4 days of my life, and also the longest I had been sober since I turned 18! I quit smoking, quit drinking, and did all the things every pregnant woman should do to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I even gave up eating sushi and blue cheese for 9 months! I worked as a bartender until two weeks before delivery. Everything had gone as planned with no complications. I was the happiest and healthiest I had ever been.

My plan for labor was a simple one. Little or NO intervention from the doctors; an all natural, drug-free birth in a free-standing birth center. I had planned to give birth in a tub filled with warm water. I ended up laboring in that tub FOREVER! Almost 12 hours! The midwives were fabulous. I did not even see an OB until my water broke at 9 centimeters. When my water broke there was meconium (baby poop) so I was not able to have the baby in the water. Due to the meconium surrounding the baby the midwives called in respiratory specialists in case of any complications. I squatted on the bed with the support of a squatting bar, and after 24 hours of labor and 40 minutes of pushing, my baby Lucy was born.

When the midwife placed my baby on my chest for the first time, Lucy and I immediately locked eyes. I knew then that something was very wrong but the blissful high I had from labor and delivery kept me calm and happy to have her in my arms. Lucy was crying and VERY alert for being a few seconds old yet she was a little blue in color and had a very, very bloated belly. They wiped her down, sucked out her nose, and ripped her from my arms to go inspect her. Until then, I had never been so scared or felt so helpless. While I was being cleaned up in the delivery room they had transferred Lucy into another room for observation and x-rays. There they put her on oxygen and started pumping her stomach. The x-ray showed that her lungs were under stress due to her stomach being so full of gunk.

This is Lucy just 3 hours after joining us earth-side...

After being cleaned and stitched up (I had some very minor tearing), I was finally able to go see my baby. At one hour old, she was already hooked up to monitors and machines checking her oxygen levels and having green mucus pumped from her little tummy. I was informed that she was to be transferred to another hospital in Sacramento, a NICU, about 20 minutes away. The labor and delivery nurses then informed me that they would prefer it if I stayed for monitoring in case of blood loss after delivery. Four hours after delivery, I checked myself out of the hospital against medical advice and followed my newborn child to Sacramento. They wouldn't even let me ride in the ambulance with her. All I could do was stare out the window and cry.

I was utterly exhausted from a 24 hour labor and the emotional roller coaster of having my newborn child torn from my arms. I was loopy from exhaustion, unsteady and could barely hold a conversation. I can vividly remember telling the nurse in the NICU that I hadn't even gone pee yet, and it had been over 5 hours since delivery. I had to find a toilet! I spoke with Lucy's doctor and he advised that I go home and rest because tomorrow would be a long day. At 18 hours old, Lucy was to go in for surgery to repair multiple intestinal blockages called Meconium Ileus. At the time, I had no idea that this was a symptom/side effect of having Cystic Fibrosis.

Lucy made it through surgery and was in recovery in the NICU for over 3 weeks. The first two weeks, she was not able to ingest anything and was fed intravenously while I pumped my mommy milk and stored it in the NICU freezer. I was adamant about breastfeeding before Lucy was even born. I pumped every 3 hours around the clock to make sure my milk came in. I wanted to guarantee that my milk would be ready to go whenever she healed up inside. It would be two weeks before she would be able to ingest anything by mouth, but she took to it like she had been breastfeeding for months!

The hospital provided RV parking on site so I was able to borrow an RV for the 23 day stay. I would not be leaving my child for anything. Although we had just met, I knew Lucy needed me and I needed her. I wasn't going anywhere! I would only travel home every few days when I couldn't stand my own stench anymore...just to take a shower.

After many tests that include a sweat test and DNA test, Lucy was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at 2 weeks old. I had no idea I was even a carrier, and to find out that Lucy's dad is a carrier also!? I was devastated! I wondered what the odds actually were that I would meet and procreate with another CF carrier. I thought, "Why me?"

The "why me?" phase was short lived because I had a newborn baby to take care of. I had no time for self-pity. We were finally able to take Lucy home! Breastfeeding was a success and went off without a hitch. We are still breastfeeding at 3 years, and I have no plans on weaning anytime soon. We practice child-led weaning, and Lucy now nurses about 1-2 times a day. I believe breastfeeding has played a major role in keeping her so healthy thus far.

Lucy is now 20 months old (in this picture below) and the adjustment of having a kid with CF has been fairly easy and without incident. It is certainly different then what I had expected life to be with a child, but luckily she will never know anything different. It is what it is and we can't change it. I can only hope to raise a happy, well-rounded, down-to-earth child that grows into an adult with gigantic self-confidence and a greater understanding of the world around her, not just her own world.

I have created this blog, not only as an outlet for me to "get it all out," but also create awareness about cystic fibrosis(CF), and what it means to live with it, live with it in your family, and what raising a child with CF entails (and other random thoughts I may have!)

I hope people laugh. I hope people cry. I hope people read it and learn a little more every day about the little girl who means so much to me. The little girl that has changed my life for the better. The bravest, strongest little girl that I call LUCY!

If you ever have any questions, please feel free to email me!

Thank you for reading!

~Kacie Tuck